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Chrysalosity

a flourishing lifestyle

When Your Feelings Get Big

July 19, 2021 · LIFESTYLE

When Your Feelings Get Big

Sweet child, I’ll be there when your feelings get big.

You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know - you got that from me. When I love, I’m all in. When I’m mad, I’m furious. I see that same spirit in you, and as your mom, I have the double-edged burden and blessing of shouldering your feelings when they get too big.

I’ll admit - sometimes it’s hard for me to stay calm in the face of your storms. As a first time mama, being “on” when you’re “off” is a learning curve for me. There are so many moments I want to give up and just explode from the tension. Dealing with those big feelings can be exhausting and overwhelming!

 

When Your Feelings Get Big

 

Thank goodness that’s not the version of me you see.

To you, I’m brave, strong, safe mama. You can run to me with your big feelings because you know I’d never leave you alone with them. It’s my job; it’s who I am, and you trust me.

But I’ll let you in on a very important truth, little one. I’m not any of those things on my own. I’m not inherently a “good mom,” though that’s a popular mantra I see frequently on social media. I am so much more fragile than you know.

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No, I am who you need me to be because Christ equips and enables me.

He gives me grace to remain calm when your temper has flared up, to sing peaceful songs when your little body fights rest, and to notice when you need an encouraging hug. Your mama has big feelings too, and when my feelings get big, I bring them to Jesus. 

Other times when my feelings get big, I don’t surrender them to the Lord as I should. I erupt like a volcano when the tension becomes overwhelming. I sin against Him and you, and I’m sorry. But in the family of God, we confess our shortcomings and forgive freely. This is true, gospel love. 

I pray that as you and I both grow, I can model this love for you more and more like Christ. Let our home be one that models the gospel - a place of abundant forgiveness, grace and spiritual growth. You can always come to me with your big feelings, and I’ll love you through them. But I pray that as you grow and learn more about God, you will bring all those big, complex, overwhelming feelings to Him. Only He can provide perfect peace.

 

Love always,

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The Blessing of Being Needed

May 12, 2021 · LIFESTYLE

The Blessing of Being Needed

Babies - and all their sweet little babbles - are a blessing.

Over the past few months, my daughter Ella has been babbling “dada” over and over again. She’d babble it to me, to her daddy, and to herself all day long as she explored the world around her.

Honestly, all that “dada-ing” had me feeling a little jealous. C’mon, kid… remember how I carried you for nine months, birthed you, nursed you on demand and got up with you in the night hundreds of times? What am I, chopped liver?

I know, I know… she’s barely a year old, so it’s nothing personal. And as some friends reassured me, “dada” is much easier for babies to say than “mama.” So we practiced our “m” sounds for a few weeks and sure enough - she's started babbling “mama” several times.

Only, her “mama-ing” was starkly different from her “dada-ing.”

Today it was “mama” when I’d sneak away to the bathroom. It was “mama” when she was sick of the toy she was playing with or when she wanted out of the high chair. It was “mama” when she was tired and needed help going to sleep. Baby girl cried “mama” all day long.

At first glance, it seems insulting that “dada” is happy babble and “mama” gets the leftovers. But when I looked closer, I realized that all those big feelings wrapped up in a simple “mama” were reserved for the person that she needs and trusts the most.

 

the blessing of being needed

 

The Blessing of Being Needed

Stay-at-home mom life is often pretty humble. I spend my daytime hours in a cycle of changing diapers, feeding, cleaning up messes, getting lost in piles of laundry, coaxing giggles and wiping tears. I don’t feel like I’m making an impact on the world in my day-to-day routines, but intertwined in the repetition of each day is the blessing of being needed by this beautiful child God has given to me.

My daughter feels safe and comfortable with me. When she’s frustrated, distressed or weary, she looks for me over everyone else. She clings to me tightly when I pick her up and misses me the minute I walk away. Her “mama” cries sound like complaints at face-value, but really, they’re love wrapped up in some pretty big, confusing feelings. 

I realized that all those big feelings wrapped up in a simple “mama” were reserved for the person that she needs and trusts the most.

I remember crying for my own mom to fix things for me when I became too overwhelmed, and I can guarantee I didn’t ask very nicely. If I’m honest, I still call my mom when I need advice or a good venting session. Even now, she still listens to my problems and offers her best help from miles away. We need our moms the minute we’re born and even after they’re gone.

Motherhood is sometimes an overwhelming responsibility, but through it we leave an indelible impact on our children.

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Motherhood isn't glamorous or easy, but it's Kingdom work.

Remember how I said I don’t feel like I’m making an impact on the world in my day-to-day routine as a stay-at-home mom? Well, maybe I’m not changing the world. But I am showing up for my daughter constantly, giving her the care and support she needs to one day carry on this same role for her own family.

By humbling ourselves and sacrificing for our children, we serve as a picture of Christ's love for His Church. Even our small acts of service teach them something of His redemptive plan and help to build the Kingdom of God.

Soon enough, the “mama” cries will lessen with each passing day. My little baby will grow to be an independent young girl, and she won’t need me as much as she does right now. For now, I will gladly come when she calls, offer all the love and support she needs, and thank God for the blessing of being needed by her.

With love,

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Unplugging to Stay Present

July 23, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

unplugging to stay present

Attempting to stay present is one of the toughest challenges for this generation.

Millennials and Gen-Zs have grown up with technology that constantly pulls us away from the present. I often find myself getting sucked into a smartphone black hole, and I dread seeing my weekly screen time report.

Obviously, our smartphones have made so many tasks more convenient than they used to be. For instance, I recently wrote a post about helpful apps for new parents, and I use those apps frequently now that we have a newborn.

We can go ahead and skip the conversation about the dangers of technology. (Someone else can write about that - it's clearly not my place!) And by now, I think we're pretty aware of the risks posed by an overuse of technology and screen time in general.

I want to focus on the positive aspect of distancing ourselves from technology, which is to stay present in the moment.

 

Unplugging to Stay Present

 

The world is changing rapidly - and in our attempt to stay current, we're missing out.

Often times we're so wrapped up in events outside of our control that we're missing out on our own lives. We spend our valuable time trying to catch up on current events through a constant stream of news media or scrolling through the Instagram highlight reel of someone else's life.

The moments that seem commonplace in our lives are moments we will wish we had back someday. Like Andy Bernard from The Office said after reminiscing on his days working at Dunder Mifflin,“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”

Our families and friends need us to show up for them. We need to show up for ourselves. And all too often, we're not doing an awesome job at committing what little time we have to being all there for our loved ones.

So let's learn to do better.

Andy Bernard The Office Quote

 

How Gratitude Can Help Us Stay Present

Before I jump into some tips on how we can stay present more intentionally, I think it's important to mention the role of gratitude in staying present. It's pretty hard to be grateful about what your life looks like if you're constantly chasing after an unrealistic ideal.

Whether you're scrolling through social media and noticing what other people have or frequently shopping online for the latest and greatest thing, you may be forgetting about what's right in front of you. Shoot, even something seemingly innocent as streaming shows on Netflix can rob our time so much that we neglect the blessings we currently enjoy!

When we are grateful for what we have right now, even if it's not much compared to someone else, we are automatically centering ourselves in the present. We're not worried about what tomorrow brings or all the difficult things we've endured in the past. Being grateful requires our minds to remain where we are in a single moment.

 

Let me share a personal example.

A week ago, I was feeding my baby girl for what seemed like the 18th time that day (it wasn't... but ya girl does like to eat). As soon as I got her started, I immediately picked up my phone and started scrolling. A few minutes in, I looked away from my phone and into my daughter's eyes - they were gazing at me, longing for me to provide for her, to be there for her when she needs me.

I felt both foolish and grateful in that moment. I had chosen to scroll, scroll, scroll instead of focusing on the very thing I am most grateful for - my beautiful daughter. I'd prayed for her for years - and there she was! How dare I waste a God-given second with her? One day, she won't need me like this anymore and I'll long to have these moments back.

I put my phone away and stared back at her. Her eyes showed me relief and comfort as she looked back at me, and in that moment I was grateful.

It's hard to stay present and grateful in every single moment of our lives, especially in the tasks that seem routine. And I don't think it's realistic to completely unplug from tech.  But what if we were more intentional with our time? Wouldn't we be better for it?

 

Unplugging to Stay Present

 

How to Unplug and Stay Present

Looking for practical tips on how to turn off distractions and stay present? Here are a few helpful suggestions:

 

Meditate

Meditation requires an intense focus on your breathing and thinking in the present. The moment your mind wanders from the task at hand, you're encouraged to bring it back to focusing on the breath. I've found the Headspace app to be helpful with guided meditation.

 

Pray/Read Scripture

As a Christian, I commit a small portion of every morning to reading Scripture and prayer. Doing this helps me focus on the lessons I need to glean from the Word in the present moment, and I can bring any needs and anxieties I have to the Lord. If you'd like to know more about my morning Bible time or want to learn more about my faith, you can reach out to me here.

 

Set Up a Phone Docking Station

When you want to gather with friends or family without phones to distract you, setting up a phone docking station is one of the best ways to ensure that no one will be texting under the table! Find a spot near an outlet where everyone can recharge their phone battery during this time. Most people find themselves leaving recharged as well!

 

Take a Walk

Nature is one of the best ways to experience the present. Take in all the sights and sounds of the season on a light stroll, or even get some exercise with a brisk walk or jog. Fresh air can help you clear your head of all the distractions, and you can even pray or meditate as you go. Sometimes, a short walk is the perfect amount of time to reset a negative mindset and practice gratitude for the present.

 

Use Conversation Starters

Sometimes we scroll through our social media feeds instead of talking to the people in our company, and we waste valuable time that we could have used getting to know one another. Try to think of a few fun questions that can help you carry a conversation, or even some guided cues that will involve your children.

 

Play!

Families that play together stay together, they say. Figure out the activities that everyone in your family enjoys and carve out time for it. There will always be work to do, but these precious moments as a family unit are fleeting. Take vacations, spend a Saturday at the pool, build a blanket fort and play "the floor is lava" with them. Enjoy the stage of life you're in now with your kids, because someday you'll wish you could relive it.

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How do you stay present?

If you'd like to share how your family stays present and turns off distractions, I'd love to hear about it in the comments! Every family is unique, and a variety of techniques can help each member stay present and connected with each other more diligently. Share your ideas below - then log off and go love on your fam!

 

With love,

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About Me

Hi, I'm Rachel! I'm a millennial wife and mama loving life in the Midwest. Follow me for lifestyle tips like balanced food, accessible workouts, and personal growth inspiration!

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