Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.
I overthink things, I get insecure easily, and I put immense pressure on myself to be successful. And when I feel like I'm losing control, I tend to retreat, give up, and count my losses. Simply put, my tendency to doubt myself often cripples me from becoming my best self.
And I'm tired of it.
I want to be resilient and fearless. I know, those are big words for a pretty average woman. But you know what? NONE of us are "average" or "basic" (no matter how much you love pumpkin spice). Every human being reading this post is a uniquely-created, wonderful masterpiece. Yes, that's you! I truly believe that. And it's time we STOP devaluing our worth and talking ourselves out of the amazing things we were made to do. Let's let the blindingly obvious truth outshine the lies our inner voices tell us every day.
It's time we STOP devaluing our worth and talking ourselves out of the amazing things we were made to do.
Lie: Vulnerability = Weakness
The truth: Vulnerability = Strength (shocker, right?)
What if everyone knew how insecure you really are? This is a crippling high school-aged doubt that often follows us into adulthood. Many, myself included, have been terrified to try anything new because we're afraid to fail publicly.
So, what if you do? I've found that the more I open up about my struggles and insecurities, the more others can also finally let their guard down and relate. We are all messy. We have all tried and failed. So I challenge you to think about something you've been hiding - something that makes you feel fake - and bring it into the light. You will not only feel the weight of insecurity lifted from your own shoulders, but you'll help someone else break free from that weight as well.
When I first shared my miscarriage story, I finally felt free. For weeks I had felt trapped inside my own feelings of hurt and grief, and it wasn't until I broke that silence that I finally felt like I was telling a part of my story that people needed to hear. Don't be afraid to tell your story, too.
Lie: YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!
The truth: You were NOT made to be like everyone else.
Going against the social norm doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Think about it - the lifestyle that's "normal" is only normalized because it's less challenging! You were NOT made to be like everyone else, so STOP trying to be "normal!" (What is normal, anyway?) Remember - we're all unique, and the only reason a social norm exists is because too many people are afraid to be themselves.
We often feel like we need to swim with the current because less friction = happiness. But have you ever seen someone go the opposite direction and totally thrive? If you constantly take the easy, nicely-paved, no-hills-in-sight path, you'll never grow. And THAT'S doing it all wrong.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved away from our families to start new jobs and a new life in a new city. Looking back, staying in our nice, safe town close to our families would have been so much easier. But by taking the challenge, we grew immensely, both individually and together. That was the first of many big steps my husband and I have taken toward being totally abnormal 20-somethings. We're not normal - and even though that sometimes isolates us from some, it frees us to be who we really are.
Lie: You will never amount to anything.
The truth: YOU MATTER. Let that resonate for a minute.
You were created - this is absolutely fundamental to understanding why you're here. God planned for you and brought you into existence, and He did so because you are a vital piece of thread in the tapestry of this universe. My mind is blown just thinking about this truth! So why do we believe the lie that we don't serve a purpose? How much time and energy do we waste worrying that we don't matter when we undoubtedly do?
I think a part of the problem lies in the belief that our work encapsulates our identity. If you have a high-paying job in a lucrative career, you are successful; conversely, if you have a less glamorous job or don't follow the conventional 9-5 workforce lifestyle at all, you'll never be fulfilled. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be viewed by others as successful, and often we lose ourselves in the process. But the root of who we are is not what we do.
When you place your identity in Christ's accomplishment for you instead, society's values fall away. You no longer need to worry about who you're impressing or disappointing - your focus is then fixed on who He created you to be. In knowing Him, you will also know yourself and your unique ability to serve a purpose for His glory.
Overcoming Doubt for Good
I'd be lying if I told you that if you follow my advice in this blog post, you'll never doubt yourself again. Unfortunately, our insecurities follow us around, and once we think we've overcome our doubt, brand new fears arise to try and tear us down.
The good news is that in reminding ourselves why we're here and Who put us here, we can become more and more focused, resilient, and free to live in the truth. Gone is the weight of worrying about disappointing our parents, embarrassing ourselves in front of our friends, and feeling like a phony version of who we really are.
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Amazing post! You are so right, we are beautiful and wonderfully made. We all have so many unique talents to share that the world needs, and we’re all created with a purpose! I couldn’t agree more a 9-5 job and checklist perfect life, don’t and shouldn’t define your value and worth.
Rachel De Boer says
Absolutely, girlfriend! (insert praise hands emoji here)
There’s so much more to being a successful human than what you do between the hours of 9-5.
Such a good article!
Rachel De Boer says
Thanks, Cate! 🙂
Sherry M Lee says
Love this post! The part you wrote about vulnerability and feeling free reminds me of celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey whose vulnerability is part of what I love most about her!
Rachel De Boer says
Yes, Sherry! Oh man, I feel so much better when I feel safe to be myself. That’s the thing – we should live in such a way that we make others feel safe enough to be vulnerable. It can be a really cruel and unforgiving world out there and I don’t want to be a part of that!