Unplugging to Stay Present

July 23, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

Attempting to stay present is one of the toughest challenges for this generation.

Millennials and Gen-Zs have grown up with technology that constantly pulls us away from the present. I often find myself getting sucked into a smartphone black hole, and I dread seeing my weekly screen time report.

Obviously, our smartphones have made so many tasks more convenient than they used to be. For instance, I recently wrote a post about helpful apps for new parents, and I use those apps frequently now that we have a newborn.

We can go ahead and skip the conversation about the dangers of technology. (Someone else can write about that - it's clearly not my place!) And by now, I think we're pretty aware of the risks posed by an overuse of technology and screen time in general.

I want to focus on the positive aspect of distancing ourselves from technology, which is to stay present in the moment.

The world is changing rapidly - and in our attempt to stay current, we're missing out.

Often times we're so wrapped up in events outside of our control that we're missing out on our own lives. We spend our valuable time trying to catch up on current events through a constant stream of news media or scrolling through the Instagram highlight reel of someone else's life.

The moments that seem commonplace in our lives are moments we will wish we had back someday. Like Andy Bernard from The Office said after reminiscing on his days working at Dunder Mifflin,“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”

Our families and friends need us to show up for them. We need to show up for ourselves. And all too often, we're not doing an awesome job at committing what little time we have to being all there for our loved ones.

So let's learn to do better.

How Gratitude Can Help Us Stay Present

Before I jump into some tips on how we can stay present more intentionally, I think it's important to mention the role of gratitude in staying present. It's pretty hard to be grateful about what your life looks like if you're constantly chasing after an unrealistic ideal.

Whether you're scrolling through social media and noticing what other people have or frequently shopping online for the latest and greatest thing, you may be forgetting about what's right in front of you. Shoot, even something seemingly innocent as streaming shows on Netflix can rob our time so much that we neglect the blessings we currently enjoy!

When we are grateful for what we have right now, even if it's not much compared to someone else, we are automatically centering ourselves in the present. We're not worried about what tomorrow brings or all the difficult things we've endured in the past. Being grateful requires our minds to remain where we are in a single moment.

Let me share a personal example.

A week ago, I was feeding my baby girl for what seemed like the 18th time that day (it wasn't... but ya girl does like to eat). As soon as I got her started, I immediately picked up my phone and started scrolling. A few minutes in, I looked away from my phone and into my daughter's eyes - they were gazing at me, longing for me to provide for her, to be there for her when she needs me.

I felt both foolish and grateful in that moment. I had chosen to scroll, scroll, scroll instead of focusing on the very thing I am most grateful for - my beautiful daughter. I'd prayed for her for years - and there she was! How dare I waste a God-given second with her? One day, she won't need me like this anymore and I'll long to have these moments back.

I put my phone away and stared back at her. Her eyes showed me relief and comfort as she looked back at me, and in that moment I was grateful.

It's hard to stay present and grateful in every single moment of our lives, especially in the tasks that seem routine. And I don't think it's realistic to completely unplug from tech. But what if we were more intentional with our time? Wouldn't we be better for it?

How to Unplug and Stay Present

Looking for practical tips on how to turn off distractions and stay present? Here are a few helpful suggestions:

Meditate

Meditation requires an intense focus on your breathing and thinking in the present. The moment your mind wanders from the task at hand, you're encouraged to bring it back to focusing on the breath. I've found the Headspace app to be helpful with guided meditation.

Pray/Read Scripture

As a Christian, I commit a small portion of every morning to reading Scripture and prayer. Doing this helps me focus on the lessons I need to glean from the Word in the present moment, and I can bring any needs and anxieties I have to the Lord. If you'd like to know more about my morning Bible time or want to learn more about my faith, you can reach out to me here.

Set Up a Phone Docking Station

When you want to gather with friends or family without phones to distract you, setting up a phone docking station is one of the best ways to ensure that no one will be texting under the table! Find a spot near an outlet where everyone can recharge their phone battery during this time. Most people find themselves leaving recharged as well!

Take a Walk

Nature is one of the best ways to experience the present. Take in all the sights and sounds of the season on a light stroll, or even get some exercise with a brisk walk or jog. Fresh air can help you clear your head of all the distractions, and you can even pray or meditate as you go. Sometimes, a short walk is the perfect amount of time to reset a negative mindset and practice gratitude for the present.

Use Conversation Starters

Sometimes we scroll through our social media feeds instead of talking to the people in our company, and we waste valuable time that we could have used getting to know one another. Try to think of a few fun questions that can help you carry a conversation, or even some guided cues that will involve your children.

Play!

Families that play together stay together, they say. Figure out the activities that everyone in your family enjoys and carve out time for it. There will always be work to do, but these precious moments as a family unit are fleeting. Take vacations, spend a Saturday at the pool, build a blanket fort and play "the floor is lava" with them. Enjoy the stage of life you're in now with your kids, because someday you'll wish you could relive it.

How do you stay present?

If you'd like to share how your family stays present and turns off distractions, I'd love to hear about it in the comments! Every family is unique, and a variety of techniques can help each member stay present and connected with each other more diligently. Share your ideas below - then log off and go love on your fam!

With love,

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Welcome to the World, Ella Rose!

June 15, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

She's here!

Our sweet daughter Ella Rose was born on May 8, a whopping 7 pounds, 1 ounce. She is even more beautiful than I thought she’d be, and my heart is so full.

Over the last month, we’ve had family in and out of our home to visit our newest addition. It’s been a crazy whirlwind, but I’m really grateful. All of the extra helping hands have allowed me to get the rest I need while also caring for my newborn. (Yes, I even needed a break from blogging! I've been working on this one post for over a month now, but mama duty calls!)

All ready to go home from the hospital!

Here’s what we’ve learned about Ella over the course of a month:

Ella is an excellent eater and a super pooper!

She took to breastfeeding immediately and I’m pretty sure it’s her favorite thing to do. And three blowouts in her first week home proved that her digestive system works pretty well, too!

She has been a wonderful sleeper - thank goodness!

In the weeks leading up to delivery, I had a bit of anxiety about losing sleep at night. I have never functioned well on less than 7 hours of sleep each night, so I worried about interrupted sleep. Thankfully, Ella has already slept for long stretches at night. And when she wakes, I’ve been surprised to find that waking to feed her hasn’t been as exhausting as I thought it would be. (Well… until it’s time to get up in the morning!)

**She’s a little dramatic… but calms quickly when she gets what she wants.**

They say you can’t spoil a baby, at least for the first three months. I hope that’s true, because when miss Ella wants something, she makes sure we know it! But usually once we’ve figured out what she wants, she doesn’t carry on any further.

Ella is going to be a daddy’s girl for sure.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve handed her off to my husband for a bit of a break, and immediately she calms down. If I wasn’t so grateful for his magic touch, I might actually be a little jealous!

I love watching her personality grow as the days and weeks go by! We’ve learned when she’s happy, when she’s fussy, and what each varying cry means. I worried that caring for a newborn would be an intimidating learning curve for me, but she’s taught me to have patience, give myself grace, and go with the flow.

As for me, here’s what I’ve learned about motherhood:

The things that worried me the most about caring for a newborn have actually become some of the sweetest moments.

Don’t get me wrong - the 3 AM wake up calls and cluster feeding evenings have been challenging. But being able to provide comfort for my baby while seeing her soften and smile as I hold her is an irreplaceable feeling.

Sacrificing my needs and desires in order to care for my family has been a challenge.

I believe this is the task that God has called me to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard! I find myself fighting off feelings of bitterness - usually out of sheer exhaustion - when I can’t even eat a meal in peace or take a shower. This is an adjustment that all new wives and mothers have to make, and I’m learning to submit all over again - this time, to serve the needs of both my husband and my daughter.

I have learned to accept and ask for help when I need it.

I threw my pride right out the window the moment my L&D nurses helped me go to the bathroom after giving birth! (Side note: shouts out to nurses. I have a whole new respect for y’all after my time in the hospital! You are amazing!)

For real though - I couldn’t have made it through the first few days and weeks with my newborn without help from my husband, mom and mother-in-law. They made meals, took care of Ella so that I could sleep, ran errands, and cleaned my house for me so that I didn’t feel like I was drowning.

Getting things done can no longer be a top priority for me.

I have always loved crossing tasks off a to-do list, but these days I’m lucky to accomplish one thing outside of caring for Ella. I often have to remind myself that she is only a baby for a short time. Cherishing these moments with her is far more important than vacuuming the house.

Taking It All In

It’s hard to describe the moments after we arrived home from the hospital with Ella. It just so happened to be Mother’s Day - my first, but not really. Just a year prior, I was grieving the loss of my first pregnancy on Mother’s Day. This year, I brought my second baby home.

We introduced her to our dog, and I walked her to her room. I sat with her in the chair, and rocked her to sleep as tears streamed down my face. This moment was all I had wanted - and after years of waiting, God granted me the sweetest blessing.

Everything has come full circle. Just yesterday in church, a dear friend and sister in Christ said to me, “It seems like just yesterday we were grieving!” And how true that rings! In the course of a year, God brought me from longing to expectant, to grieving and longing all over again, to expectant and joyous over my two beautiful babies. One we still grieve and long to meet one day, and the other we have the privilege of knowing and raising.

I am certain that God’s plan for me in all of this was good. All of these experiences from loss to joy strengthened my bond with my husband, made me a better mother for Ella, and taught me to choose joy in every circumstance. As I took in these first moments at home with Ella, I thanked God for all of it.

Everything has changed, yet it feels like we’ve had Ella forever. Our life as a little family has been so sweet over the last month! I’ll be sharing more updates here and there as we grow, but for now, thank you for following our journey up to this point. I hope our story has inspired and encouraged you in your walk, wherever you’re at.

With a grateful heart,

Grieving Our Miscarriage: One Year Later

March 21, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

One year ago this week, miscarriage changed our lives.

It's crazy to think that it happened a year ago now. To me, it feels like it's been a lifetime. So much has changed over the last year, but even as life moves on after miscarriage, it's important to remember the short life we loved and lost.

Recently I was sharing about my miscarriage to a woman who had gone through her own loss over 30 years ago. She went on about how she didn't understand the whole "rainbow baby thing." Why would anyone want to be reminded of something so awful? And why would you want your "rainbow baby" to know that they weren't the original plan? None of it made sense to her.

People deal with loss in different ways, I guess. But as for me, I choose to remember our miscarriage. I choose to think on the fleeting joy of our baby's short life and the searing pain of loss. I choose to reserve a piece of my heart for the baby that will always be mine, even if only for a few weeks. And I choose to give the baby I'm carrying now the gift of knowing how she fits into God's perfect plan.

Why Aren't You Over It?

The woman I mentioned previously was of a different generation than me. And I see this stark difference in the way that our mothers and grandmothers rarely, if ever, brought up their own experiences with miscarriage. Previous generations thought of miscarriage as a very private issue, carrying the burden of grief on their own. And even though this woman was willing to speak with me about her loss, it was clearly something she didn't want to remember or dwell on for long.

She just wanted to be over it.

I don't judge her or anyone else for dealing with miscarriage privately. For some, it's too painful to talk about, and maybe grieving alone over such an intimate loss is the only way that makes sense.

For me, however, it was important to shed light on my grief and to honor the short life of my baby. I needed to process it through writing in order to begin healing, and women my age are increasingly willing to open up about their experiences with miscarriage.

Now, one year later, I find it equally as important to continue talking about it. The little life I carried hasn't faded into oblivion just because time has passed. I carried that life, if only for a few weeks. Our baby was valuable and loved beyond measure. And our hearts are still sad that we will never meet that sweet child on this side of heaven.

Honoring the Baby We Never Met

When we went through the miscarriage last year, I made a point to remember our sweet baby in a special way. I bought an opal ring as a way to remember our baby daily. (Opal is the birthstone for October - the month he or she would have been born.)

I still wear the opal ring. I look down at it and feel... complex. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile. But every time I see it, I remember that sweet life. He or she deserves that space in my heart. That short life changed mine forever - and I'll forever be grateful for it. My children will know that they have a sibling in heaven that we will all meet one day - and what a sweet day that will be!

It's okay to think back on the losses in our lives - actually, I think it's a good thing. Our hearts were made to feel deeply, and suppressing those feelings would be denying our humanity. In allowing our hearts to grieve, even after years have passed, we can also open our hearts to the comfort that lies on the other side of grief.

"Rainbow Babies" & Moving On

First, let me just say that I know how blessed I am to be pregnant again. I know there are many women who wish they were in my shoes. That's why I often refer to this pregnancy as our "rainbow baby" - she is truly a very special gift, and I don't take that lightly.

To me, our "rainbow baby" is a sign of God's faithfulness to me. He saw the storm we went through in dealing with our miscarriage and heard the desire of my heart to be a mother. And by some undeserved grace, He gave me this sweet baby girl (who's currently wiggling around and treating my bladder like a trampoline).

Yes, she is a reminder that my plan was not God's plan.

She is, in a way, a reminder of a time of great pain in my life. But so much more than that, she is a reminder of how God is good, how He loves us as a Father and blesses us abundantly.

Had we not gone through a long journey with trying to conceive and pregnancy loss before this pregnancy, we may have never fully appreciated the miracle of life. Our hearts are so immensely grateful, and I'm overjoyed to be an open book about that!

As life moves on and time passes, I know I will spend more time focusing on the family that surrounds me and perhaps less time thinking about the child we lost. But each year when March passes, I'll re-open that piece of my heart for the baby we never met. I'll choose to remember what it felt like to endure that pain. It was a very real experience - one that has shaped me into who I am now.

Even when the years go by, I will continue to pray for healing and grace as my mother's heart reflects on what might have been. Though I grieve from year to year, I will continually hope in the promise of God's sure faithfulness.

With all the love of a mother's heart,

If you or someone you know has experienced a pregnancy loss, feel free to check out this list of resources. If you liked this post or know someone who would, make sure you share it!

Attempting to stay present is one of the toughest challenges for this generation.

The world is changing rapidly - and in our attempt to stay current, we're missing out.

How Gratitude Can Help Us Stay Present

Let me share a personal example.

How to Unplug and Stay Present

Meditate

Pray/Read Scripture

Set Up a Phone Docking Station

Take a Walk

Use Conversation Starters

Play!

Don’t Miss Out!

How do you stay present?

With love,

Like this post? Make sure you share it with your friends on Facebook or Pinterest! Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram for fitness inspiration, recipes, and all things lifestyle!

She's here!

Here’s what we’ve learned about Ella over the course of a month:

Ella is an excellent eater and a super pooper!

She has been a wonderful sleeper - thank goodness!

She’s a little dramatic… but calms quickly when she gets what she wants.

Ella is going to be a daddy’s girl for sure.

As for me, here’s what I’ve learned about motherhood:

The things that worried me the most about caring for a newborn have actually become some of the sweetest moments.

Sacrificing my needs and desires in order to care for my family has been a challenge.

I have learned to accept and ask for help when I need it.

Getting things done can no longer be a top priority for me.

Taking It All In

With a grateful heart,

Stay Up-to-Date on New Posts!

Like this post? Make sure you share it with your friends on Facebook or Pinterest! Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram for fitness inspiration, recipes, and all things lifestyle!

One year ago this week, miscarriage changed our lives.

Don’t Miss Out!

Why Aren't You Over It?

She just wanted to be over it.

Honoring the Baby We Never Met

"Rainbow Babies" & Moving On

Yes, she is a reminder that my plan was not God's plan.

With all the love of a mother's heart,

If you or someone you know has experienced a pregnancy loss, feel free to check out this list of resources. If you liked this post or know someone who would, make sure you share it!

**She’s a little dramatic… but calms quickly when she gets what she wants.**