Overcoming Doubt

January 6, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.

I overthink things, I get insecure easily, and I put immense pressure on myself to be successful. And when I feel like I'm losing control, I tend to retreat, give up, and count my losses. Simply put, my tendency to doubt myself often cripples me from becoming my best self.

And I'm tired of it.

I want to be resilient and fearless. I know, those are big words for a pretty average woman. But you know what? NONE of us are "average" or "basic" (no matter how much you love pumpkin spice). Every human being reading this post is a uniquely-created, wonderful masterpiece. Yes, that's you! I truly believe that. And it's time we STOP devaluing our worth and talking ourselves out of the amazing things we were made to do. Let's let the blindingly obvious truth outshine the lies our inner voices tell us every day.

It's time we STOP devaluing our worth and talking ourselves out of the amazing things we were made to do.

Lie: Vulnerability = Weakness

The truth: Vulnerability = Strength (shocker, right?)

What if everyone knew how insecure you really are? This is a crippling high school-aged doubt that often follows us into adulthood. Many, myself included, have been terrified to try anything new because we're afraid to fail publicly.

So, what if you do? I've found that the more I open up about my struggles and insecurities, the more others can also finally let their guard down and relate. We are all messy. We have all tried and failed. So I challenge you to think about something you've been hiding - something that makes you feel fake - and bring it into the light. You will not only feel the weight of insecurity lifted from your own shoulders, but you'll help someone else break free from that weight as well.

When I first shared my miscarriage story, I finally felt free. For weeks I had felt trapped inside my own feelings of hurt and grief, and it wasn't until I broke that silence that I finally felt like I was telling a part of my story that people needed to hear. Don't be afraid to tell your story, too.

Lie: YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!

The truth: You were NOT made to be like everyone else.

Going against the social norm doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Think about it - the lifestyle that's "normal" is only normalized because it's less challenging! You were NOT made to be like everyone else, so STOP trying to be "normal!" (What is normal, anyway?) Remember - we're all unique, and the only reason a social norm exists is because too many people are afraid to be themselves.

We often feel like we need to swim with the current because less friction = happiness. But have you ever seen someone go the opposite direction and totally thrive? If you constantly take the easy, nicely-paved, no-hills-in-sight path, you'll never grow. And THAT'S doing it all wrong.

A few years ago, my husband and I moved away from our families to start new jobs and a new life in a new city. Looking back, staying in our nice, safe town close to our families would have been so much easier. But by taking the challenge, we grew immensely, both individually and together. That was the first of many big steps my husband and I have taken toward being totally abnormal 20-somethings. We're not normal - and even though that sometimes isolates us from some, it frees us to be who we really are.

Lie: You will never amount to anything.

The truth: YOU MATTER. Let that resonate for a minute.

You were created - this is absolutely fundamental to understanding why you're here. God planned for you and brought you into existence, and He did so because you are a vital piece of thread in the tapestry of this universe. My mind is blown just thinking about this truth! So why do we believe the lie that we don't serve a purpose? How much time and energy do we waste worrying that we don't matter when we undoubtedly do?

I think a part of the problem lies in the belief that our work encapsulates our identity. If you have a high-paying job in a lucrative career, you are successful; conversely, if you have a less glamorous job or don't follow the conventional 9-5 workforce lifestyle at all, you'll never be fulfilled. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be viewed by others as successful, and often we lose ourselves in the process. But the root of who we are is not what we do.

When you place your identity in Christ's accomplishment for you instead, society's values fall away. You no longer need to worry about who you're impressing or disappointing - your focus is then fixed on who He created you to be. In knowing Him, you will also know yourself and your unique ability to serve a purpose for His glory.

Overcoming Doubt for Good

I'd be lying if I told you that if you follow my advice in this blog post, you'll never doubt yourself again. Unfortunately, our insecurities follow us around, and once we think we've overcome our doubt, brand new fears arise to try and tear us down.

The good news is that in reminding ourselves why we're here and Who put us here, we can become more and more focused, resilient, and free to live in the truth. Gone is the weight of worrying about disappointing our parents, embarrassing ourselves in front of our friends, and feeling like a phony version of who we really are.

If you liked this post, be sure to share on Facebook or Pinterest!

Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

November 12, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

'Tis the season for giving thanks, and we all have gratitude to express.

But some years bear more weight than others, and when the season of joy and thanks rolls around, our hearts grow hard and bitter about what we've had to go through in the past year.

2019 was a whirlwind for us. We started a business. My husband switched jobs, and I walked away from work that I loved to take the opportunity to work from home. We (finally) got pregnant, then lost the baby in a matter of weeks. 2019 dished out lots of change and challenges that both thrilled and destroyed us. Yet somehow, we've arrived intact at the season of Thanksgiving near the close of the year.

My heart's default setting is to complain about what I don't have in comparison to others. When I see new families smiling in Christmas cards, my heart grows bitter and hard. I was supposed to be sending out that card this year. I get upset when I think about what I gave up in order to serve differently from home. We took some pay cuts to make this work, but for what? I allow myself to divulge into a tailspin of doubt and self-pity, blinding myself from the joy and many blessings I do have.

Have you ever felt this way? Has your year been such a difficult whirlwind that you feel bitter this time of year? You're certainly not alone - but let's call it what it is. It's ungratefulness. It's sin.

Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

In Ephesians 5:20, Paul gives the instruction to give thanks to God "always and for everything." So, does that mean we should continually strive to be optimists, always looking for the silver lining in bad situations? Or is Paul actually telling us to thank God for the things that have nearly ruined us?

Is Paul telling me to thank God for my miscarriage? Or for taking your loved one too soon? For the loss of a job or a painful divorce? Should you really give thanks for that empty chair at the Thanksgiving table?

The simple answer: yes.

Why? Because the whole of our lives are to be a living, breathing testimony to what God has already done for us. He deserves our constant thanksgiving for redeeming us from the darkness of our sin. Even though it grinds against our human nature, we can thank Him for these difficult circumstances because He promises that all things, even the hard things, work together for our good (Romans 8:28).

When God orchestrates the trials that affect your life, He is also equipping you with the Spirit, shaping you more and more into His likeness. So as you reflect on your year, including all its blessings and trials, you can thank God for everything. He is sanctifying and preparing your heart for the eternal joy you long for, even in the events that broke your heart.

God is good.

And although I fight my own bitterness, jealousy, and ungratefulness this Thanksgiving season, I know that the Lord is refining me. I pray the same for you, that through the circumstances you have been dealt this year, you will be able to give thanks in all things, for everything. He is good, He is worthy, and He is continuing to write your story. And for that, we can be thankful.

Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving season,

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome | Day 29 of #30DaysOfBlogging

October 7, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

Have you ever felt like you have no right to be successful?

I mean, who are you to try that new business venture? To show people what you're passionate about? To show the highlights of all the hard work you've been doing on your socials?

Why should you create that blog post, write that book, or start that podcast? You're no expert. You don't even have a degree in this.

You're a fraud.

This, my friends, is impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is a psychological belief that you're inadequate, even though your accomplishments and gifts prove otherwise. It's feeling like you have no right to share your fitness success story because you don't have a degree in exercise science or a license as a trainer. Or maybe you love blogging about all the things, but you're worried that hitting that "publish" button will somehow ruin your reputation. You love dressing up and getting that perfect shot for the 'gram, but you're embarrassed that everyone will think you're an egotistical jerk.

Does it sound like I'm speaking from personal experience? If so, then I'm nailing it.

Doubt has a funny way of creeping into our subconscious, convincing us that we're not enough. Not pretty enough to be an influencer. Not smart enough to be a writer. Certainly not savvy enough to make that hobby a business. In general, we believe that the meager talents we have are nothing in comparison to those who are successful in the game.

Did you catch that word? Comparison.

Ah, comparison... the age-old "thief of joy." We stop our own momentum in its tracks when we see someone else reaching the heights of success. And we convince ourselves that if we tried to follow in their wake, we'll be nothing but an off-brand copycat. So we shut up and blend in, because at least that way we're not publicly embarrassing ourselves.

Killing the Impostor

Even the most successful people have had to walk in someone else's footsteps. Just because you are following a pattern of someone you admire does not make you a fraud or a copycat. It just means you have a role model and want to reach your unique audience in a way that's inspired by someone you look up to.

The root of impostor syndrome is fear. You're afraid that people will ignore you or unfriend you. You're afraid that you'll be a colossal failure in front of everyone. What if people find out that you have no experience whatsoever? That fear of failure, abandonment, and embarrassment is real. I've felt it.

The difference between you and those who have found success is that the successful people took that scary leap anyway. They took a chance and invested in the business they dreamed of starting. They were turned down and gossiped about. Almost everyone doubts their ability, even though we were all made with unique and mind-blowing gifts. Successful people believe in that ability in spite of the naysayers and in spite of their own doubts.

In order to kill the impostor, you have to wholeheartedly believe that you have something valuable to offer, and that you can do what it takes to share it. Write affirmations about your best traits, your goals, and even the weaknesses you intend to overcome. Make specific goals and take steps toward making them a reality. Surround yourself with a community that shares your goals and interests and share your doubts and fears with them - you'll find that they've had the same negative thoughts, too!

The Real You

The you that you were meant to be is in there - you're just too afraid to let her live her purpose in full.

When I started this blog, I actually didn't make it "public" until about 6 months in. And even then, I didn't share it with most of my friends, because I was terrified that everyone would think I'm this wannabe, know-it-all, doesn't-even-have-a-degree-in-that writer.

But then I realized that writing is something I've dreamed of doing my whole life. Who cares if nobody reads it? So what if I lose followers who are annoyed with yet another blog post promo? At least I'm embracing my gift and sharing it in a way that only I can - because I'm the only me!

You have a passion - so chase it. You have something that is authentically, exclusively you - so share it! You are not an impostor, fake, or fraud, and you have value to bring to the table. Don't let fear stop you from being the real you, in all its daring-to-jump, embarrassingly-failing, wonderfully-unique glory.