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An Impossible Love | Day 28 of #30DaysOfBlogging

October 6, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

Earlier this week, "forgiveness" was trending on Twitter.

A powerful story of forgiveness captured the hearts of many Americans this week as Brandt Jean hugged his brother's murderer, Amber Guyger, at her sentencing. Before that hug, Jean made a statement forgiving Guyger for her actions, saying that he loved her and that he wished her well.

Speaking for myself, this display of forgiveness was a conviction. I don't know what it's like to lose a loved one so tragically, but I can imagine that facing the convicted murderer of my brother would be too much to bear. But where everyone expected to see anger and vengeance, there was nothing but peace, forgiveness and love.

An Impossible Love

The love that Brandt Jean showed Amber Guyger was an impossible love, apart from divine intervention. Were it not for the love of Christ and the work of the Spirit in his heart, anger would have consumed him. Only a man of God, who himself knows the extent of Christ's love and work of redemption, could utter the words that Jean spoke in grace to his brother's murderer.

Oh, how He has loved us with an impossible love, in that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) Jesus went to the cross for stubborn, unapologetic, hate-filled sinners. For persecuters and murderers like Paul. For loud-mouthed deniers like Peter. For stubborn feet-draggers like me.

Christ sacrificed glory for shame. He intervened with grace and mercy for chronic mistake-makers and wretched criminals. He touched outcast lepers and spoke gently to those who blatantly mocked him. His love is impossible for sinners like us to replicate, but a glimpse of that love was imitated in the grace-filled words of Brandt Jean.

The World Will Not Understand

Since Jean and Guyger's iconic hug in that courtroom, backlash immediately ensued. Some were upset that the judge also participated in this show of divine love and grace. Some were upset by the sentencing itself. Others were angry about all this talk of the power of forgiveness and felt that Jean shouldn't have had compassion on Guyger because of racial implications.

Without the Spirit's work in the hearts of believers, none of us would understand this display of forgiveness. 1 Corinthians 2:14 tells us that our human nature does not accept or understand the things of the Spirit, but considers them foolishness. The world will not understand why and how Brandt Jean could forgive Amber Guyger, because the world does not understand the Holy Spirit's work. And "there, but for the grace of God, go I." (John Bradford)

I'd like to think that if I had to take the stand in this sort of scenario, I'd have the strength to speak grace and love to the guilty party. I pray that God would grow my heart to be more understanding and filled with the kind of love that can only come from His Spirit. And I pray that this powerful, impossible love, this beautiful imitation of Christ, would shine a light as bright as Brandt Jean's shone on the glorious work He has accomplished for sinners.

Does Prayer Really Work? | Day 21 of #30DaysOfBlogging

September 29, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

I thought I knew all there was to know about prayer.

Growing up in a Christian community, I prayed often. I learned the Lord's Prayer as soon as I could speak and said it every meal time with my family. I went to private Christian schools where requests were made and prayers offered all the way through my senior year of college. Then I went on to teach in a Christian school where I was now the one leading prayer time with my students and contributing prayers at home with my husband.

But then we hit a season that made us feel like our prayers went unheard. I've talked about my miscarriage openly - but actually, that pregnancy and subsequent loss had brought us closer to God in prayer than we had ever been. While we waited in between appointments, we prayed constantly, fearing the worst could happen. And when we lost that child, we prayed about everything - for opportunities to open for us to tell someone, for sustained faith, and for the strength just to make it through another day without breaking down in front of our coworkers. Now this story is a testament to the fact that God does indeed hear and answer prayer.

It was the season of waiting before that pregnancy that had us questioning whether our prayers were actually heard. Praying for a baby became a nightly routine for us as we waited and watched other families grow. And the longer we waited, the more bitter, jealous, frustrated and hopeless we became. As the weeks and months flew by, we would pray that same prayer over and over, but nothing changed. I wondered why God would encourage covenant families to have children so often in Scripture, then refuse to answer that prayer for us.

Does God really hear your prayer?

That small seed of doubt caused bitterness and tension in my relationship with the Lord. Make no mistake - the enemy does not want you to believe that God hears you. And when we were going through this season of waiting, Satan caused me to question what I knew to be true about prayer - that God hears me because of Christ and is powerful and loving enough to do exceedingly more than I ask (Ephesians 3:20).

Because of what Jesus has accomplished for us, we can trust that we now have full privilege to pray, knowing that God lovingly receives that prayer. Our prayers don't need to be fancy. We don't need to use uncommon words to make them seem worthy. We simply need to bring our hearts - whether they are broken, joyful, relieved, frustrated, disappointed, or grieved. He already knows the needs and desires of our hearts, but He desires fellowship with us in prayer. Be confident that when you pray sincerely in the name of Jesus, God hears.

What if my prayer isn't answered?

When we finally found out that I was pregnant, I felt reassured that God really does answer prayer. I couldn't wait to meet this little one and to raise him or her to know the faithfulness of God. But sadly, we lost our baby at 9 weeks - just enough time to prepare emotionally for this new life, only to have it taken away.

Was this a sick joke? Did God play the waiting game with me just to give me what I asked for and then take it away so quickly? I felt like my prayer was answered, and then it wasn't.

I was so wrong.

You see, God doesn't play games with our hearts. He is mighty and merciful and is, indeed, doing exceedingly greater things than we could ask or imagine. If I hadn't waited on the Lord (Psalm 27:14), if I hadn't experienced how the Lord gives and takes away (Job 1:21), I would have never been able to write this. I would never be able to share my story of waiting, loss, pain, and bitterness with others who are walking the same path. God has provided a way for that to happen.

I still don't know the joy of holding a newborn in my arms for the first time, and I don't know when I will. God didn't answer my prayer the way I thought He would, but He provided a space for me to speak truth to those who long to hear it. Our prayers may not be answered the way we think they will, but God is writing an unseen story that is greater than what we've asked for.

I still pray the same prayer. Motherhood is the desire of my heart, and I believe that the Lord may answer that prayer in due time. But until then, I wait in confidence, knowing that prayer does work - more than I could ever imagine.

Fear is NOT the Enemy. Here’s Why.

July 27, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about fear.

These days, many songs, books, blogs and social media posts address the topic of fear as the enemy. But I respectfully disagree - fear is often the beginning of this life's most beautiful moments; it's a vessel for growth if we stand up to it. Our fears present us with a few options: we can run from the problem, allow it to stop us in our tracks, or face it dead-on.

When faced with fear, we have three options.

When faced with fear, you can run to the next safest place. Fear can force you into a box and make you react like its helpless puppet. You might feel safe and comfortable, but only because you’ve allowed fear to dictate how you’ll go about living your life. Fear is in control.

You could also freeze in the presence of fear. Some struggle with daily personal fears and anxieties, not acting on their convictions or dreams. That little inner voice convinces them that they are unsafe, unsure, unaccepted, and unloved. So they do nothing to work toward their full potential and live in constant regret. Fear is still in control.

Fear is an inevitable human emotion. There’s no use vilifying something that everyone experiences every day, so let’s agree to stop calling it a lie or an enemy. Fear is uncomfortable, and we hate talking about our fears because it makes us appear vulnerable and weak. The underlying issue is not a fear problem; it’s a mindset problem. We actually need our fears to stretch us to the point of discomfort.

Fear is an avenue for growth if we face it dead-on. Rather than allowing it to paralyze us or cause us to run away from our underlying issues, we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and even terrified for a moment in time. When we live in that moment of fear, we can truly appreciate the strength that arises on the other side. Fear causes us to grow - stronger, wiser, and ultimately happier.

Fear is uncomfortable, but it's not the enemy.

There’s a personal story I love to tell when I think about facing fear - one I hope to share with my teenagers someday. Once, when I was in high school, I had a HUGE crush on an older boy. He was a senior, and I was doe-eyed and hopelessly infatuated with him.

One day I finally decided I had to tell this boy that I liked him. I was terrified. I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety all day, but regardless, I texted him to meet me in the hallway after class. Finally I expressed my feelings for him, and while he was as sweet as could be, he told me that he was going off to college and didn’t want a girlfriend.

Needless to say, I was pretty heartbroken, even though I had expected this response. I walked away from that situation feeling both crushed and strong, knowing that I’d faced my fear of vulnerability dead-on even though I knew what the outcome would be. Years later, this friend told me (albeit in more colorful language) that in that moment, I was braver than he ever would be.

I share this story because even though I was terrified throughout the entire process and I knew that in the end I’d have to face rejection, I did it anyway. I didn’t allow fear to cause me to feel regret, shying away from vulnerability. And even though this is a minuscule, puppy-love scenario, I still think about how I felt after that terrifying moment - strong, brave, and wiser than before.

No, fear is not the enemy. Allowing it to win is - and that part is solely up to you. Don’t give fear that kind of control; leverage it to make you a stronger, smarter, more courageous version of yourself.