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Chrysalosity

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Real-Life Tips and Support for Couples Trying to Conceive

January 22, 2020 · LIFESTYLE

Real-Life Tips & Support for Couples Trying to Conceive
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For some, trying to conceive is a long, arduous, and even painful process.

In a previous post, I talked a little bit about our personal journey of trying to conceive (TTC). For most of my life, I was oblivious to the fact that many couples struggle to get pregnant. I had no idea how many couples dealt with infertility and pregnancy loss until I was the one wondering if something was wrong with me! For years, I rolled my eyes when people called pregnancy a miracle, because to me, it was all simple science.

Boy, was I wrong.

The bottom line - so many couples are dealing with this - and we were one of them.

To be very honest, I've had the idea for this post sitting in my queue for a while now, because I was afraid how it would be received. Would people think it was awkward or indecent to hear my very personal advice on this topic? Well, probably... but I'm not in the business of people pleasing.

Before finally sorting through the tips that helped us get pregnant with our rainbow baby, I had to put away my own embarrassment over this delicate subject. After all, these are questions that just months ago, I had wished I could ask someone. I just didn't know how, or who to ask!

For couples out there longing for advice on trying to conceive, this is for you. You have the right to ask these questions, and you are not alone in doing so! During the many months that we were trying to conceive, I was a little embarrassed of my Google search history, because I really didn't know who else to ask or where to turn for advice. If that's you - sister, I got you.

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TTC Tip #1: Know Thy Cycle

Saddle up for some menstrual cycle real talk! Literally nothing about trying to conceive is comfortable to talk about, so let's just lean in to the awkward, shall we?

If you want to know way more details about what's actually happening to your body during the various phases of your cycle, check out this post on body fluctuations within the 28-day cycle. Otherwise, let's move on to the real meat of this.

You need to have some general knowledge of when you're ovulating if you're trying to conceive. This "fertile window" can vary from month to month, but generally, you'll ovulate at about halfway through your cycle. There is a LOT of room for error here, since your cycle may be longer or shorter than 28 days.

Your body will give you some indications that you may be ovulating, but not all of us are perfectly in tune with our body's signals. I highly recommend downloading a women's health app like Flo to track all of your data if you're serious about trying to conceive.

In the Flo app, you can track all the start and end dates of your period, as well as symptoms you experienced each day. It will then estimate when your fertile window and ovulation day may occur, and you can log the times you've been*intimate* with your spouse during that window. There's also some good reading material on the app so you can learn everything about your body that your high school health class failed to teach you. Was that too sassy?

 

Simply put, knowing your cycle = knowing when you ovulate = knowing the right time to try to conceive.

 

Real-Life Tips & Support for Couples Trying to Conceive

 

TTC Tip #2: Get used to peeing on a stick.

I'm not trying to be crass, but let's just get real - if you're trying to conceive, you're going to have to get used to testing. A LOT.

I remember purchasing a pack of those inexpensive pregnancy test strips on Amazon at the very beginning of our TTC journey and thinking to myself, "These will last me a lifetime!" WRONG.

 

PRO TIP: If you're TTC, do your wallet a favor and buy these pregnancy test strips. You will go insane and broke trying to use the First Response or Clearblue tests every time you want to check if you're pregnant!

 

Aside from tracking your cycle with an app and cluing into your body's signals that you're ovulating, I recommend trying ovulation test strips like these to actually test if you are ovulating. These test strips are a little harder to understand than pregnancy test strips, so make sure you read the packaging carefully and follow the directions to a T. Basically, if there are not two bold lines appearing on the strip, you are not ovulating. And even if there are, you still only have about a 12 hour window in which to try to conceive.

Don't freak out too much over this. There is only so much control you have over the timing of conception - but testing does help aide you somewhat in the process.

 

TTC Tip #3: Be Effective! B - E - Effective!

Spoiler Alert! This is the part where I talk about sex. It's awkward for me because, conservative background, ya feel?

But all of the shame and awkwardness around this whole topic is what makes couples that are trying to conceive feel like there's something wrong with them. So let's get past that initial uncomfortable barrier and just be real for a sec, mmkay?

We've already talked about knowing when you ovulate and timing your intimacy around that fertile window. Here are a few things you can try to sort of aide the process of conception when the time finally comes.

First, let me clarify that you don't need to do the deed every single day of your fertile window (unless y'all really want to). It can turn the whole conception process into... a process. And that's not what either of you are going to want! Do what you can to keep things light, intimate, and fun for the two of you, because the added pressure of TTC has a way of driving a wedge between couples.

Since you've got a relatively small fertile window to work with, you'll want to try to make each time count. You might try Pre-Seed as a way to improve sperm motility. It's expensive, and while there's no guarantee that it will work, most couples in this situation are willing to try anything!

After doing the deed, you may want to continue lying down for a while - some women even lie with their legs elevated and supported with pillows to let gravity do some of the work! Mainly, you'll want to wait before going to the bathroom to help the process along a bit. It is weird and unattractive as all get-out, and that's marriage, folks!

 

All of this will help you be as effective as possible when you get down to business. But after this point, there's really nothing you can do to control the situation (aside from seeking professional medical intervention, of course).

 

Final Thoughts & Support for Couples TTC

Let me first say that your ability to conceive is NOT what gives you any sort of status or worth as a couple. Let me repeat myself in a different way - other people's ability to conceive doesn't make them better than you, more blessed than you, or more respected than you.

Do I fully believe that children are a blessing? Absolutely. But I know many couples who have walked this road, tried every tip in the book, sought professional help, and still were unable to conceive. And if we continue to send the message that these couples are somehow less-than for not being able to conceive, then we are simply perpetuating the same toxic dialogue that has brought endless tears and sleepless nights to so many people.

Still, it is heartbreaking to experience months and even years flying by without being able to conceive. And ultimately, even with medical intervention, there is so little that can be done to control the situation. It's at this point that I urge you, if you're not already, pray about it with your spouse. Share your struggles with someone close to you and ask them to pray for you, too.

Before becoming pregnant with our sweet rainbow baby, I wore this necklace with Daniel 3:18 printed on it, which says, "And if not, He is still good." Even as we prayed for the Lord to give us a baby, we learned to pray for an openness to the possibility that it may not happen for us. I began to pray differently, asking God for the first time to open my heart to the idea of adoption, if it wasn't His will for us to conceive. And that's something I continue to pray about, even to this day.

 

Tips & Advice for Couples Trying to Conceive

 

If you are feeling hopeless about trying to conceive, if you've tried every tip in the book with no success, if you have no idea how to ask God for help, or if you don't know anyone who can pray for you, please contact me! I want to support you through prayer.

 

You are not alone. It was not long ago that I shed tears over this very topic and had no idea how to talk about it with anyone. But I hope that my story will bring you some hope, and that in being vulnerable and open about my struggles, you'll consider me a friend walking right alongside you through this.

 

I got you, sister! With love, prayer & support,

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If you liked this post or know someone who would, make sure you share it with your friends on Facebook or Pinterest! Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram for fitness inspiration, recipes, and all things lifestyle!

 

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Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

November 12, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

'Tis the season for giving thanks, and we all have gratitude to express.

But some years bear more weight than others, and when the season of joy and thanks rolls around, our hearts grow hard and bitter about what we've had to go through in the past year.

2019 was a whirlwind for us. We started a business. My husband switched jobs, and I walked away from work that I loved to take the opportunity to work from home. We (finally) got pregnant, then lost the baby in a matter of weeks. 2019 dished out lots of change and challenges that both thrilled and destroyed us. Yet somehow, we've arrived intact at the season of Thanksgiving near the close of the year.

My heart's default setting is to complain about what I don't have in comparison to others. When I see new families smiling in Christmas cards, my heart grows bitter and hard. I was supposed to be sending out that card this year. I get upset when I think about what I gave up in order to serve differently from home. We took some pay cuts to make this work, but for what? I allow myself to divulge into a tailspin of doubt and self-pity, blinding myself from the joy and many blessings I do have.

Have you ever felt this way? Has your year been such a difficult whirlwind that you feel bitter this time of year? You're certainly not alone - but let's call it what it is. It's ungratefulness. It's sin.

 

Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

In Ephesians 5:20, Paul gives the instruction to give thanks to God "always and for everything." So, does that mean we should continually strive to be optimists, always looking for the silver lining in bad situations? Or is Paul actually telling us to thank God for the things that have nearly ruined us?

Is Paul telling me to thank God for my miscarriage? Or for taking your loved one too soon? For the loss of a job or a painful divorce? Should you really give thanks for that empty chair at the Thanksgiving table?

The simple answer: yes.

Why? Because the whole of our lives are to be a living, breathing testimony to what God has already done for us. He deserves our constant thanksgiving for redeeming us from the darkness of our sin. Even though it grinds against our human nature, we can thank Him for these difficult circumstances because He promises that all things, even the hard things, work together for our good (Romans 8:28).

When God orchestrates the trials that affect your life, He is also equipping you with the Spirit, shaping you more and more into His likeness. So as you reflect on your year, including all its blessings and trials, you can thank God for everything. He is sanctifying and preparing your heart for the eternal joy you long for, even in the events that broke your heart.

 

God is good.

And although I fight my own bitterness, jealousy, and ungratefulness this Thanksgiving season, I know that the Lord is refining me. I pray the same for you, that through the circumstances you have been dealt this year, you will be able to give thanks in all things, for everything. He is good, He is worthy, and He is continuing to write your story. And for that, we can be thankful.

 

Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving season,

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Giving Thanks Always, for Everything

 

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#30DaysOfBlogging | Day 30: The Results Are In!

October 8, 2019 · LIFESTYLE

The Results Are In! Day 30 of #30DaysOfBlogging

Well, guys, I did it!

Today is officially day 30 of my #30DaysOfBlogging Challenge! I'll be honest - I was a little scared to do this. Blogging every day for an entire month is a big commitment, and I had to discipline myself to see it all the way through. But I did!

First, I want to say thank you to those of you who took time to read my blog and like my posts on Instagram and Facebook. Keeping up with 30 days worth of blog posts is a commitment, and I'm just really thankful that anyone would take that time to read what I have to say. I'm so grateful for you!

 

The Results: Accomplished Goals

Before I show you some traffic analytics, I wanted to revisit the goals I set for myself on Day 1. Here they are:

  • improved writing skills
  • increased vulnerability
  • efficiency with creating graphics
  • steadier engagement
  • consistent schedule

Looking back at these goals, I can say with confidence that I know I've made huge strides! I stayed consistent with posting every day, and with that I learned to be efficient and received steadier engagement (check the analytics below). And the more I wrote, the better I became at crafting a narrative in a way that felt authentic and professional to me. Plus, I doubled the amount of posts on my blog in just one month! Woohoo!

Again, before I get to the numbers, I just want to reiterate the power of making and achieving a goal. This is something I've always wanted to do, but publicly saying that I was going to do it and sticking to my word has given me a fresh sense of accomplishment. Whatever your goals are - even if you think you're too busy, not prepared/experienced enough, or you've completely lost faith in yourself - you can reach them!

I know that blogging daily for 30 days isn't saving the world. But I do know that, according to some readers, some posts have brought help and healing where there was fear and doubt. I don't think highly of myself for that by any means. It's simply an example of how your goals, big or small, can have a positive impact on yourself and others.

 

The Results: Positive Analytics

I'm not a numbers person, but at the risk of embarrassing myself, I want to show you some of the analytics from my site over the last month. Since beginning the #30DaysOfBlogging challenge, I saw improvements in every category provided by Google Analytics. See my results below.

Analytics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, I realize that these numbers may not be all that impressive to some. I'm definitely a novice blogger, and I'm still learning the ropes of SEO and bringing traffic to my site through other channels. But I do believe that consistent posting and sharing to social media had a big impact on my blog traffic, thanks to this 30 day challenge.

To me, all improvements, no matter how small they seem, are valid and worth celebrating! Got any suggestions for how I should celebrate closing out my #30DaysOfBlogging Challenge? Let me know in the comments! I think I'll start by taking Sadie Belle on a walk on this most beautiful fall day.

 

With a grateful heart,

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Day 30: The Results Are In | Day 30 of 30 Days of Blogging

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About Me

Hi, I'm Rachel! I'm a millennial wife and mama loving life in the Midwest. Follow me for lifestyle tips like balanced food, accessible workouts, and personal growth inspiration!

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