tips Archives - Page 2 of 2

5 Ways to Kick Stress to the Curb

November 5, 2018 · LIFESTYLE

Hola, amigas!

Brace yourselves; it's coming. The holiday season is upon us. It's officially November, which means that most of us are making our lists (and checking them more than twice!) to manage the crazy that will inevitably ensue.

As a music educator, I've become accustomed to living in constant stress during this season. Every year I coordinate holiday performances for my students, which is no easy task! I start to feel so overwhelmed by the time the holidays actually roll around that I honestly struggle to enjoy celebrating with family and friends. I'm totally guilty of letting the stress of needing everything to be perfect get the best of me, to the point that I'm physically and emotionally drained by the end of it all.

This stress-problem isn't unique to teachers - everyone feels at least a little overwhelmed during what I'm affectionately calling "crazy season." There are lists to make, meals to prepare, guests to entertain, gifts to buy... And somewhere in between all of that, the foundation begins to crack. We lose sleep from working too late or worrying about the details. We push ourselves to be perfect, when we were never meant to be. We snap at people that we care about because we're always on-edge. Sound familiar?

So, in anticipation of "crazy season," I challenge you to practice self-awareness. Check in with yourself - are you pushing too hard? Are you letting perfectionism creep in? Are you constantly exhausted to the point where it affects your relationships and daily functions? Ask yourself these questions, and be honest with yourself. How are you holding up?

Most of the time when I practice self-check-ins, I realize just how not okay I am, and it's a huge eye-opener. I realize that I haven't put myself first even once. And if that sounds selfish, think of it this way: how can you possibly pour into others when your own cup is empty?

Girl, you need to take the time that you need to rest and restore so that the stress of "crazy season" doesn't overcome you. De-stressing looks different for everyone, but if you're at a loss on where to start, I've got your back. Here are five things that I do to kick stress to the curb in order to be the best cup-filler I can possibly be!

Take a bath.

One of my favorite relaxation methods is taking a hot bath before bed. Aside from its obvious cleansing properties, studies have proven that bathing soothes tense, stressed-out muscles, improves circulation, alleviates pain in the bones and joints, enhances oxygen intake, and improves mood, among many other health benefits. After a stressful day when my body is physically worn-out, I love relaxing in a hot bath. If you're typically a shower person, try immersing in a bath just once a week for 30 minutes, and see if you notice any of the above stress-reduction benefits. Still not feeling it? Try doctoring up your bath time with soft music, candles, calming essential oils, or epsom salt to enhance the experience. Yes, it does take a little more time and effort than a quick shower (which some of us are lucky to get in the first place!) but I promise you. It's so worth it, especially once you get into it.

Listen to music.

Whether it's during bath time or while you work, listening to certain types of music is proven to alleviate stress. Because music is linked to our emotions, it can comfort the listener during stressful or difficult seasons of life. It's also proven to improve memory, relieve depression and anxiety, and promote relaxation before sleep. If you are listening to music with the goal of calming and stress-reduction, it may be wise to choose light music with a slow tempo to slow down the breathing pattern. Listening to music may also aid one in meditation through practicing active listening skills. By taking note of the form, texture, and mood of the music, the listener is forced to be mindful, present, and focused. When was the last time you actively listened to music without distraction? Give it a try - it may soon take the place of your latest Netflix binge!

Drink (decaffeinated) tea.

I know. The word "decaf" is making you cringe. But what if I told you that less caffeine = less stress? Various forms of decaffeinated teas have been actually been proven to reduce stress and encourage a more restful sleep. Some teas that are known to promote stress-relief and improved sleep include green and black teas, peppermint tea, and chamomile tea. Plus, what's more comforting and soothing than a warm drink?

Monitor your screen time.

It's no secret that too much screen time is linked to stress-responses in the brain and body. Try limiting your cell-phone, tablet, and TV usage, especially when trying to relax and wind down. In addition, the use (and abuse) of social media is also a rising cause of stress in teens and young adults. While devices and social media play a crucial role in the modern world, you need to know for yourself how much is too much when it comes to screen time. Come up with a deadline for turning off all devices each night so that you can rest and relax without distraction. Not sure what to do without your phone? Read a book! Getting lost in a book causes readers to focus in on their own imaginations and reduces the stress of distractions from the outside world.

Meditate.

This is a stress-relief strategy that I'm still learning, but there is ample evidence that meditation is one of the best ways to alleviate stress. Not only can it help you reduce your current stress-levels, but it can also raise your stress tolerance level for future stressful encounters. In its most simplest form, meditation is a focused awareness of the breath and of the present state of your body. Much like mindfulness practice, meditation can help you tune out distraction and worry and focus only on the present moment. And while it can feel like a long, uncomfortable silence at first, you may grow to appreciate that quiet time to yourself every day!

Do you have any tried-and-true ways to manage stress in your life? Share them in the comments below! Above all, give yourself some much-needed, well-deserved relaxation time so that you can go out and kill it tomorrow!

With love,

Rachel

Too Many Tabs Open?

August 16, 2018 · LIFESTYLE

Let’s cut to the chase right away – you’ve got a lot going on. You’re probably second-guessing why you’re reading this, because there’s no way you have time to sit down! I feel you, fam. That’s a normal part of living in this crazy, busy world. You are not alone, even if you feel like you’re the only woman who doesn’t have it all together.

The real issue is that you’ve got too many tabs open. Not on your browser (which, maybe you do). I’m talking about in life. (I really like metaphors, so just go with it for a minute.) You’ve got at least three tabs open at work dealing with administrative issues, future projects, and day-to-day tasks. Then you’ve got a few more home tabs open, trying to plan what’s for dinner this week, when you’re going to get the laundry done, and how to sneak in time with your friends or family. And if you’ve got kids, the tabs multiply exponentially, because each one has their own schedule that you’re responsible for managing. And now your computer is running at turtle speed because you’ve got too many tabs open.

What do you do about it? Do you keep clicking from tab to tab, trying to chip away at everything all at once? If so, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re never going to get anything done. You might look like you’re juggling it all, but inside you feel like a failure because you’re not accomplishing what you’d hoped to do.

It’s not wrong to have a lot going on at once. Your involvement with things makes you well-rounded and shows that you’re a hustler. But that doesn’t mean you need to do all the things, all the time. You’re only human, after all! So to help you out, here are three tips to staying sane with a busy schedule.

Be present in your current environment.

If you’re at work, keep your work tabs open. You might have to juggle a few things at once (trust me, I’m a teacher). That’s okay – you’ve got this! Make a to-do list for the day and chip away at each thing at the appropriate time. And if it’s time to go home, leave work at work. It will still be there tomorrow and you will crush it then like a total boss.

If you’re at home, let me repeat myself: leave work at work. When you go home, you’re putting on another hat for the people that need you there in that role. My husband needs me to do certain things for him, and vice versa. It’s really hard to serve your significant other when you’re simultaneously trying to navigate work-related issues. As for your kids, they literally need you to survive, let alone to be nurtured and loved. If you’ve got work tabs open at home, you will ultimately burn out, and your family will just feel burned.

I love this quote by Jim Elliot: “Wherever you are, be all there.” I think he states it perfectly, and it helps us give our best to the people that need us in our current environment.

Check in with yourself.

Usually people are blindsided by busyness because they haven’t checked in with themselves along the way. Every time you’re presented with a new task or responsibility, weigh it out. Is it a passion or gift of yours? Will it benefit others or build your experience? Where will it fall within your current schedule? If you answer these questions and still feel overwhelmed, then maybe you need to close a tab in order to open a new one. Make sure you’re having these real conversations with those who are asking more of you. Chances are, they are asking you to take on another task because they see your strengths and believe that you’re capable – but you know yourself best. The people who care about you and want you to thrive will not ask you to take on more than you can handle.

It’s also okay to say no to things. This is really delicate, because you want to prove that you’re hard-working and generous with your time and talent; at the same time, you don’t want to become overwhelmed and burned-out. If you check in with yourself and realize that you’re starting to feel symptoms of burnout, then don’t agree to another task until you can manage what you currently have. That doesn’t make you a failure – it shows self-awareness and a dedication to the responsibilities you already have on your plate. It also doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to say yes to that opportunity down the road.

And don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it! It’s okay to delegate if you have the opportunity to do so. If you’re a perfectionist, you might struggle with entrusting a task to someone else, but it may improve your focus on other important tasks.

Learn to organize!

Make a master list of everything that needs to get done this week. (It’s going to look enormous and terrifying! It’s okay. Deep breaths.) Once you've got a master list, divide those tasks between days of the week so that you have a mini-list each day. (There – that’s not so bad, right?)

But here’s the kicker – schedule the fun stuff too. Personal time and quality time with family often take the back burner when we’re busy. Not only is that unfair to them, but it’s unfair to yourself and to your sanity! Just like how scheduling a cheat meal every now and then saves you from bingeing on junk food, scheduling fun and relaxing activities during the craziness can save you from crashing and burning at the end of the week.

If you’re as Type-A as me, you’re loving the idea of making lists and schedules. In order to stay consistent, you will also need to schedule a time every week to create your weekly schedule. It’s like schedule inception. I know that sounds nuts, but it’ll keep you consistent and accountable if you’re in the habit of list-making at the same time every Sunday night (or whenever it makes sense for you).

If you’re Type-B and this all seems like a huge drag, I get it. And while I do believe that the scheduling part will ultimately benefit you, I also want to point out your strengths. Rejoice, Type-B people! Y’all get it done, even if it’s not perfect. And that’s where Type-A’s like myself can take a page out of your book. We’re over here trying to accomplish every task down to the smallest meticulous detail while you’ve already finished because you’re focused on the big-picture product. That’s a skill that I had to learn in college in order to manage my workload, and I’m still figuring it out in the real world!

Closing Out

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations on giving yourself a breather from this crazy, busy life! I hope you’ve come away with some practical advice on how to manage your endless list of tasks. Let me know in the comments below if you have your own helpful ways to deal with a hectic schedule!

With love,

Rachel

Navigating Negativity

August 2, 2018 · LIFESTYLE

Fasten your seatbelts, chicas. Today's topic gets real.

How do you deal with negativity? We all face this issue in one way or another, and unfortunately, it's part of living in an imperfect world. Whether it's your own thoughts that make you doubt yourself or someone in your life that seemingly drains your happiness, negativity can creep in and make even the most confident people feel deflated.

It seems like the obvious solution would be to cut out the people and resources that are dragging you down into a negative headspace. But the reality is that life is never that cut-and-dry. Because all of our stories are different, it may be helpful to analyze the sources of negativity in your life in order to navigate the situation.

When It's Your Family

Family is always complicated, isn't it? It's part of what makes life simultaneously messy and beautiful, and this is no exception. Family can tend to speak negatively about your choices because they may have a differing opinion on the path you should be following. This can be really discouraging, because from your perception, it feels like they're crushing your dreams and speaking poorly of you personally. It hurts when the ones who are meant to believe in you the most don't back your decisions.

Especially in the case of older relatives, your family may feel an innate right to analyze (and criticize!) those decisions because it's their duty to guide you down a path that leads to success. They may not support you if they feel that you're veering off that path. In that case, their disapproval may actually be the way they show that they love and care about you. That doesn’t mean they’re negative people! Keep an open heart and listen objectively to show you love and respect them even if you disagree.

Your family may perceive some alternate path to be the most successful for you, even though you know in your heart that it’s not what you're meant to do. Even though there is mutual love and respect, there's also tension. In this situation, distancing yourself may be the best solution. Take some time away to set on the path you believe is right for you and use that time to prove that you can be successful in that choice. Once they see that you are happy and successful, they may soften their mindset and embrace your decisions.

When It's Your Friends or Acquaintances

Have you ever had a friend talk negatively about you behind your back? Or a friend who made every effort not to hang out? It may be disappointing, but these may be signs that they don't value your friendship as much as you thought. Maintaining these friendships can be exhausting, so allowing some distance may be the best solution in order to maintain your own emotional wellbeing.

There's also the case of acquaintances, or people you may not have chosen to be friends with. Perhaps this person is a friend-of-a-friend or your good friend's significant other, and you just can't handle their constant negative energy. In an effort to maintain closeness with your real friends, pursue unity - even if that means tolerating the Debbie Downer for a while. Find your threshold - how long can you be around this person until their negativity wears on you? Be kind and cordial to that person, even if it takes most of your effort. But don't be fake - when you feel their negativity impacting you, try to distance yourself for a while. If you live in that negative space for too long, you may end up lashing out emotionally, causing tension between you and your close friends.

When It's Your Coworkers

The people you work with can influence the way you view your job. Either you love going to work because you love your coworkers, or you dread it because you can't stand the constant complaining and criticism. At some point, however, you are going to face criticism. Sometimes this is a good thing - your boss should give you feedback on your performance, even if it's negative. If you have customers, you will inevitably receive a complaint, even if you feel like you're crossing all your t's and dotting all your i's. In this case, negative feedback isn't negative at all - it's meant to help you improve and grow as a professional. Go into these situations with an open mindset for growth, as it can help you process through negative feedback. Work hard, prove your strengths, and eventually it will be recognized.

On the other hand, what if your boss is discouraging you from doing your best work? Even if you're doing your best work and proving yourself, all this may go unnoticed. Or what if your coworkers are miserable because they hate their job? Eventually the things they complain about will become things you complain about, and they'll successfully project their negativity onto you. If you work at a place where nobody likes what they're doing or who they're working with, you could end up absolutely drained. Remember - you spend the majority of your day (and your life!) working. Why choose to spend that time in a place that makes you unhappy?

When It's Yourself

Have you considered that your lack of confidence may be due to your own self-talk? Negative self-talk can paralyze you, causing you to talk yourself out of doing amazing things. Even if nobody else thinks that you're unqualified or incapable, you project these false opinions onto yourself. Having a fixed, negative mindset saves you from failure and embarrassment, but it also acts as a roadblock between you and the path you want to follow.

Think of it like this. You're standing at the edge of a cliff ready to jump into the water below. Being bold enough to jump off that cliff is an awesome, daring feat! But the longer you stand on the edge and think about what will happen after you jump, the more doubt and fear creeps in and talks you out it. Now you're climbing back down the cliff because it feels safer, but you'll never know the thrill of the jump.

I used to believe that I was the only one that struggled with this, but even people who have gone on to do amazing things have faced their own negative self-talk. Successful people have acknowledged and overcome their feelings of doubt and inadequacy to pursue the path that led them to success. It's a process that doesn't happen overnight, but it can be helped by practicing goal-setting and affirmations. Create and accomplish smaller goals that give you the skills you need to tackle your personal cliff jump. Equip yourself so that fear and doubt don't have the power to stop you in your tracks. And when negative self-talk creeps in, combat it with positive affirmations and choose to acknowledge your strengths instead. You'll be amazed at what you can do when you get out of your own way.

Navigating the Negativity

Whew! That was a hum-dinger! This is such an important topic because at some point, everyone feels overwhelmed by both internal and external negativity. Although we've focused on how to navigate situations that are messy and difficult, it's also important to put yourself in as many positive situations as you can. Surround yourself with people that affirm your strengths. Go places and do activities that make you feel inspired. And as much as you can, close the gap on negativity in your life so that you can accomplish crazy, daring, amazing things.